You might think that I had been writing for a while before I dove into starting a book or that maybe I even liked writing or was at the very least good at it. If you did, you would be wrong. I started college and stopped just as fast. I have never pursued anything but my husband and the life we have created together. I do not like being challenged or doing things that I have no interest in and I am not in the least bit competitive in any aspect of my life. I am just me, and that is boring as hell.
So instead of changing who I am and maybe being a little adventurous, such as trying any number of things that people have suggested over the years. I decided to take one person's advice and write a book. You may also think that it progressed slowly and I might have thought about it for a while since I am prone to ignoring most helpful ideas. However, I didn’t wait a second. I ended the phone call, picked up a pen and never looked back. As if the words were already inside me, just waiting to get out, I couldn’t seem to write fast enough. In a matter of minutes I had several characters, plot lines, events and then the whole book outlined. I couldn’t wait to start writing the actual book, so I didn’t. I sat at our computer and just started writing. Words, dialog, and descriptions came at me so fast I started carrying a pad and pen with me wherever I went. I would pull over and write notes, start watching TV and suddenly have the best idea, end a conversation or task just to get something down. It was madness and it went on for months.
I’m not sure my husband meant it as a challenge, but he told me I wouldn’t get past the fifth chapter. (I have to interject that he was further very supportive and went out and bought me a laptop that very week.) I felt instantly that I had to do it, not only write those five chapters but finish the book. And I did. Only it took me longer than I had originally planned. Mostly because once I get something in my head I can’t let it go and I am the most impatient person. I have to do it now, get it now, and go there NOW! (My husband loves this about me) So there were two things that I wanted and I never realized that one might derail the other or at the least make it a little harder to achieve them both.
The first thing I wanted, a baby. It had been three months since my miscarriage and we wanted to try again. Some thought it was too soon but it didn’t matter because we felt ready. Well, a month later I was pregnant. This time I kept my mouth shut and waited. Twelve weeks later it was Easter and we made our big announcement. Those three months were hell! I never thought it would affect my writing but just looking at the screen made me want to puke. So it became a hobby instead of an actual book and that was okay. I was living high with my pregnancy and enjoying the last few months of time with just my husband. The second thing I wanted, to finish the book. I never stopped thinking about it and before I knew it I was feeling better and writing. To only get derailed once again! As fate would have it I delivered my son on the same day that I lost our first baby. I prayed that whole weekend that I wouldn’t go into labor. I was six days away from my due date so I never really imagined that it would happen. One year later on the exact same day that God took our little girl we got to hold our baby boy. I still think about her daily and don’t believe there will be a day that I don’t. But the truth is, if I had had her then we wouldn’t have our son and I can’t begin to imagine that.
The little man was perfect and still is! He continues to put a cramp in my writing time but he will always come first. I will only have this time with him once. Too soon he will hate spending to with his Mom and do whatever he can to be with his friends. For now I am enjoying being the center if his small world and knowing that I will always find time to write.
Sometimes I feel more me sitting in front of a computer than doing anything else. Maybe because it is only me, and there is a freedom in being who you are and doing what you love. However I will never be a Writer, I will always be a Mom and a Wife in my eyes. My world only exists with my family in it. My son is my heart and soul and there will never be another Henry.
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