Aurora

Aurora and I, is probably the best description of myself I could ever give. We are one and the same and yet could not be further from each other. I always knew that writing this book was going to become a way for me to move on from the miscarriage. I didn’t realize that I would put so much of myself into Aurora, or by doing that it would become a therapy for me to get any pain I had ever experienced out, to maybe explain myself through her. It wasn’t until my sister read the book and said “So, you’re Aurora.” that I started to wonder. She further asked who the other characters were and who she was and I couldn’t answer. I hadn’t notice that I was writing myself let alone other people in my life. As I thought about what she said, I went back and started to read over some of my first chapters. I began to slowly recognize bits and pieces of everyone I knew coming out on the pages. No one character was a single person; but the person’s habits, mannerisms or annoyances all became a part of the book. In a way it’s amazing to think that everyone I love is in the book and one day it might even be interesting for them to guess who they are, because I will never tell.

I started to notice myself in Aurora through the simplest things-my eye color, how I have motion sickness, the miscarriage, things I love, things I hate. However I still felt she was her own in many way, it was just getting harder for me to see where I ended and Aurora began. If the pain and problems Aurora was having were really hers or my way of working through things I didn’t even know about. Aurora’s many family issues caused me pause, although I created her and gave her these problems it scared the crap out of me to think I might have them. So for now I will live in ignorant bliss and believe that they are all hers.

I began to really dig myself out from under Aurora, I didn’t want to be her, I didn’t want to think I was really that troubled. Then I finally found our one profound difference, Aurora’s love life (and the tiny fact that she is a vampire and although I have translucent skin and on occasion want to bite someone who pisses me off, I am not). She can never decide what she wants or who she wants or if she is even capable of love. Aurora’s trust issues keep her from believing in the most important person- herself. If you can’t trust how you feel and what you know then how can you be proficient enough to trust someone else. I can trust and do trust to my own detriment but the one thing I did right was to trust the man I love. We found each other young and have never second-guessed the choice to be together. Our love has brought us through some pretty hard times but we made it and are stronger for it. I am simply obsessed with my man and although some find our interest in each other annoying (how often we talk, text and spend all our extra time together) I am delighted in our constant attentiveness. It’s been eight years and I love him as much as that first sunny day in a Starbucks coffee house.